So if you read the Nigerian adage in the previous post it was from my mother. That was her way of breaking the ice to me and telling me that I need to loose weight. I knew though ... I've always known. I guess I could say that I have a thyroid problem, or some medical condition that is preventing me from loosing weight... but in honesty its me. Its shear laziness agmonst other things.
I've battled my weight for years. I would go to the gym maintain consistency for a month or two and then give up. My mom saw that it was getting out of hand, knew that it was something I didn't want to hear and told it to me. I knew though. I stop going out, I no longer wanted to be seen, I stop posting pictures of myself, I stop going to bible study, I even resulted to taking cabs everyday so I wouldn't run into anyone I knew.. pathetic hun? I enlisted the help of a trainer but that got too extensive.
I'm 32 and I have no kids, no real major responsibility other then rent, tithes and bills .. (which is a whole other topic) but im grateful for that. I do want marriage and kids eventually but its not my primary goal. . ( I know, I know. An African who's goal is not marriage and babies.. how rare right?)
But anyhoo my goal is to get CLOSER to God through jesus christ and loose some MAJOR weight. For a long time. I've prayed and ask God why is it that I can't focus on wanting better things for myself. I'm great at motivating others. But when it comes to myself, I get stuck.
In talking to my mother she said something along the line of . I want you to LOVE yourself. Do I love myself? I love the heart and character of the person I am but do I really love myself? I guess I don't really know. Maybe I do, just not as much as I should. I've been so hurt for so long that I guess I let that pain carryon into how I feel about myself. I didn't Realize it until writing this.
The lord has told me for over an entire year that I should end certain relationships and let him work on and in me. I guess I focus on others and helping others so I dont have to focus on me.
For the past couple of days I've been getting back into reading my word and praying . This has been strengthen comforter for me.
So today is my day one. I am riding the train on my way to work!, I've packed my lunch and resolved to drink only water for the next couple of days. Hopefully this will turn into months, then after work (may God spare our lives), my mother and I are going to walk to the track and do a couple of laps!.
Im so happy right now that I'm trying so hard not to cry. Im taking a step that I pray and Hope will be a life change for the rest of mylife.
Lord in heaven I thank you for not giving up on me, even when I turn my back to you and Ignore your love. I thank you for being on this train with me helping me to not feel ashamed of myself, my weight but to feel determined to walk , praise, fast and go through this all with my head bowed to you and it raised high to the world.
Day 1 step 1 and goooo.
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